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03/22/2013

Coy's Blog - False Facts: 10 things to know before going to Australia with ZBB


So we do this thing called False Facts on the road. Basically we just make up s**t that isn't real and label it as a false fact. The idea is for it to be kind of unbelievable in the first place. I think I might have started it by calling Clay Cook out on some things he said that were surprisingly specific, but yet smelled of inaccuracies, which then led to False Facts having its own life. Here are Ten False Facts about ZBB going to Australia. They might be kind of funny, not funny at all, or really funny. I can't tell any more.

In no certain order: 

  • Kangaroos can dunk. So if you're gonna play B-ball in Australia, bring your A game.
  • Clay Cook has never been to Australia, nor wrestled a crocodile, but he does love animal crackers and the band Men At Work.
  • Coy Bowles was born in a plane flying over Australia so he has two birth certificates. He can't wait to go back to his motherland.
  • When asked what he plans to do on his day off during the Australia trip, Jimmy De Martini replied,  "Box a kangaroo." 
  • Chris Fryar will not be going to Australia; his counter part Mississippi Meatbone from Birmingham, AL will be going instead. Chris said, "The weather will do a number on my wig, so Meatbone has decided to go."
  • We are taking gallons of sweet tea to Australia as a peace offering.
  • Coy and Clay have decided to do a "sleep off". Basically they have $20 and a vintage Star Wars sleeping bag riding on who can go without sleep the longest. Coy and Clay once stayed up for 72 hours.  During their last few hours, before collapsing in sleep, they were very creative. Clay solved an unsolvable math equation that was written on a college chalkboard, and Coy created a language and wrote out the answers to the universe. Sadly, when Coy woke up he couldn't remember the language he created. And Clay was one decimal off on the math problem, until some guy named Matt Damon moved it over one decimal place.
  • John Hopkins is to Australia what peanut butter is to jelly. He's a legend.
  • Zac Brown has been to Australia before. He will be our fearless leader on this journey. When asked what scares him the most about leading ZBB through Australia he said, "As long as Coy and Clay don't sleep, we will be fine." 

On a side note, this is the truth: Coy Bowles is friends with Dave Mustaine from Megadeth. Very cool. Dave told Coy about these small lobster-like things called Moreton Bay bugs. Comparing it to lobster, he said Moreton Bay bugs makes lobster seem the taste equivalent of cat poop (aka Moreton Bay bugs are the best thing you've ever tasted). Coy is on a mission to eat Morton's Bay Bugs. Keep your chicken fingers crossed that he can make this happen. He's counting on your love and support.